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Confession

Well its been awhile since I've uploaded a blog. I must confess something happened to me that I thought would never happen, not that it couldn't I wasn't completely Nieve, I don't know what I was thinking. That I could stay in the word, in prayer and in the spirit enough that things "spiritual" couldn't effect me. Right? keep that armor on. Satan can't use anything that you don't give him. You need to recognize these spirits when they come on you and make them flee in the name of Jesus, Ok Right. All theses topics I've preached on or talked about. We did a study on Wednesday nights on Battlefield of the mind "great book by the way". I knew the sings; I could see things changing, but I didn't do anything to stop it tell I was far into it. EPH 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly place. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

On a Sunday night I did a sermon, How can a spirit filled believer suffer from oppression? in that sermon I gave reference to a mighty man of God A.W Tozer. Who suffered greatly from depression. His on wife said that she didn't know if he would or could get out of bed to preach on Sunday. My own pastor went through a period of battle in his life. I also in that sermon made mention of a beautiful woman of God who used to be in our church. Her and her family have moved on to disciple else were. But she in a confession of her own in a sermon said that she, a word filled spirit filled woman would come to church on sundays and purposefully sit in the corner hopping no one would see her. To avoid people because she didn't have it in her to encourage anyone; nor did she want anyone to tell her scripture or try to encourage her. she knew the word but didn't want to hear it, a prayer warrior but wanted no prayer for herself, or to pray for another. Fighting within herself to break this chain holding her down. I don't know when or what broke her chain, but it was most apparent at a later church service that it had been removed from her. The song Break every chain, yes lord you can and do. Singer and songwriter Toby Mack after the death of his son, what happened within himself and his testimony of overcoming that tragedy "powerful". Its seems sometimes a tragedy pulls you in sometimes you just slip. Matt 26:35 Peter said to Him, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!” And so said all the disciples.

69 Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.”

70 But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.”

71 And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

72 But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!”

73 And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.”

74 Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!”

Immediately a rooster crowed. 75 And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly. I have to ask do you not think there was a battle raging with'in himself as he wept bitterly? David during the death of his son from bethsheba. 2 sam 12: 16 David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. 17 So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. 18 Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, “Indeed, while the child was alive, we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!”19 When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?”

And they said, “He is dead.”20 So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate. What was in his head? depression, guilt, attacking his self in his own mind?

David knew God intimately, Peter walked with Jesus. The other people I've mentioned here today and many countless others have fought these battles in there lives, some still do. Why? Is it to reveal something with' in yourself? Weather you are Rooted? Abel to stand? How strong you are in the lord? If you will walk away or fight? verse 20 I love what David did picked him self up and went were? To the house of the lord and worshipped.

I remember one time telling my beloved brother Dan. That I would never go back I didn't understand how anyone after receiving the holy spirit and realizing all that God has done for us could go back. Well I didn't go back into my old ways. But I did faulter and I tried to hide it from my church family and my wife. And this is after saying in a video I'm an open book, why try and hide if God sees all of you, yet I did try. And as close as I am to my Pastor and he always knows by the spirit when something is wrong, It wasn't him that said something. It was my dear friend Teddy our IT/firefighter who confronted me after Sunday service. He could tell something was missing. I had stopped doing Videos, Blogs, Sermons. I don't know if pastor would have asked me to preach during this if I would have done it. My sister tried to confront me and i just denied it. My wife I told her it was like I had a stroke and it was primary effecting my God stuff. Countless times I could feel and hear the holy spirit trying to nudge me back in. But I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I wanted to isolate myself from my church family hide in my sound booth act like no one could see me and then run away after service. Listen I don't have all the answers. But what I do know is that you come out of these things stronger in Christ if you don't walk away. I know that even when for whatever reason we try to deny the truths of God that we know so well and withdraw inside of ourselves God doesn't leave or Lessing or decrees. His love for you doesn't change. He is only ever present ever loving, graceful, merciful, waiting to pick you up and bring you back into the light, to light that Fire in your veins again to go and spread the Good News. Thank you Abba Father.

For a long time even in our ministers training class I've said that there is a bias or judgement about followers of Christ that the world thanks were problem free we don't have battles. Well number one if they really think that then why don't they want that for themselves? And second that's just not true. But what we do have if your truly Rooted and Stand Firm. Is an ever increasing faith and trust in our lord Jesus Christ. In our salvation and our Eternity. Don't try and hide your battles and don't not say something if you see your brother or sister suffering. Its very easy to hide especially as a pastor. Since a pastor is supposed to be the one ministering and praying and tending to his flock, How can a pastor admit or show that he has struggles also? What kind of pastor would you be? Pick yourself up and go and Repent before the lord and think him for pulling you through the other side stronger then when you went in.1 cor 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Eph 6:11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.




God bless you may the love of God always be with you

John Boyle A.P



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